Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in eziekialjones' LiveJournal:

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
3:12 am	stupid cliches After two to five years of really crappy holiday experiences (except Thanksgiving with my father which I always enjoy)I decided to hole up this Christmas and NYE with some bad anime, corn dogs and video games to avoid anything remotely bad happening to me this time. Maybe I'd finally be able to escape this rotten holiday luck for once. I was really excited about this scrooge plan I had until now two days before Christmas when I suddenly feel depressed, lonely, and am unable to find any joy even playing World of Warcraft. So yeah anyways...screw you holiday depression, if I drank alone you would so be drowned in gin and tonics right now. That or white russians it would be a tough choice. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
6:23 am	Possible complete over reaction I don't think I've posted to live journal in nine months or so, but it is just past 6am and I find myself in complete awe at the brilliance that is the work of Chuck Palahniuk. I have a hunch that those friends of mine who are more literary minded would scoff at the idea, but to me he is easily the greatest American author since Faulkner. Though I do admit that some of his works are over the top disturbing as to render then almost unreadable. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 27th, 2008
4:22 pm	it's like Rummy So last night I actually did something fun and new. Jake taught me how to play Mah Jong, which is almost exactly like gin rummy but with tiles, asian, and way classier. Also in my continued state of being big fat dork almost all I've done this week is play geeky games. Either World of Warcraft, Madden, D&D, Civ4, or mah jong. I kind of love it, but at the same time I feel I should maybe shower less. Also the geek is fighting with the emo I'm becoming from listening to too much of The Faint. Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008
6:27 am	You Are An ISFP The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. In love, you are quiet and sweet yet very passionate. You love easily. You have an underlying love for all living things, and it's easy for you to accept someone into your heart. At work, you do best in an unconventional position. You express yourself well and can work with almost anyone. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer. How you see yourself: Sympathetic, kind, and communicative When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, insecure, and overly sensitive What's Your Personality Type? (Comment on this)
Friday, January 11th, 2008
4:24 am	Posting is addicting, it's been less then 24 hours and this is my 3rd post.  Oh the things we do to keep up our day. I just wanted to note that finally doing all of your laundry (some of which I think had sat for over a year) can reveal amazing treasures. Like this Dallas Cowboys throw blanket  I have wrapped around my legs for warmth. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
10:08 am	Every once in a while, I end up listening to someone so much crazier then me that I actually feel good about myself for a few moments. Then I get depressed when I realize yeah, they may be crazier, but I'm still not functional or anything. blah (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
5:16 am	Bring on the panic attack. I've been antsy all day, and then wham about half an hour ago, pure panic jut like I was used to. at this point I've taken my xanax and waiting for it to finish kicking in. It's been a while since I had one of these, it's not pleasant. Someone recently aid people like turning themselves into victim. I'm a victim of my own mind, and it seems to be winning most battles. Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 8th, 2007
11:07 pm	it's been suggested... ...that I should post in my journal more often. So starting last night my anxiety kicked itself up a notch and I haven't been able to leave the house again, missing the first group counseling appointment I was supposed to get to, so no new progress for me on the whole getting better front. I did get in touch with my social worker though and have started to set up things with the job rehabilitation program that LFC offers, I need to get something underway to get back on my feet, I've been off them too long and it turns out I'm not crazy enough for the government to help support me. In a surprising and rather joyous event, Trishnak tracked me down and wants to hang out again. She was always someone I really liked and am looking forward to hanging around with again. Though I did get annoyed at Brandy's reaction to it, I felt that she was implicating I was only happy to hear from her again because I think her and I will be having sex, which hadn't even crossed my mind since last I knew Trishnak was married. I really was just happy to be reuniting with a friend. Also I'd like to give a big shout out to Adam, who continues to let me steal his wireless internet, if I knew who he was, I'd totally give him a beer. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
8:40 am	Falling apart I spent last night on Brandy's couch coughing just constantly and then when I arived home today found out my water had been shut off, almost costing my new roommate her job since she wasn't able to shower this morning. first thing tomorrow I have to get the water turned back on. then make sure the power doesn't get turned off too. I have a councilor appointment at 2, then return brandy's car to her. I'm supposed to go to the Red/Blue U of A basketball game with Gayle, we'll see if that happens. I've been sick for over 3 weeks now, maybe even 4 I've kind of lost count, and while it's already taken its toll on me physically it's starting to wear on me mentally as well, I feel like I'm falling apart at the seems lately and starting to lose what little sanity I had. I went to Dan's to use his bathroom (since I have no water) and while there I had a coughing fit so bad I threw up everything I'd eaten recently. To make it even worse it had come on so suddenly that I wasn't even able to make it to his toilet and had to spend a half hour cleaning out his bathroom sink, the whole while apologizing for making this mess when a friend had been nice enough to do me a favor. I'm really not sure what else to say, I'm just so...tired of everything. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 19th, 2007
1:25 am	I loath! And now to bitch about insurance companies and medical care. After well over a week of being sick I bit the bullet and went to urgent care with Dan, it wasn't bad, the place was empty, and they gave me a few prescriptions to fill to knock out this sinus infection bronchitis combo that I've going on. I drop them off a CVS, no big deal. Except that my insurance company refuses to cover the antibiotic the doctor prescribed for me so I'm having to go through this huge run around with the hospital, insurance company, and pharmacy to get the medication that will actually make me better and not just treat my symptoms! so yes, I feel somewhat better, but am not getting well, I've now been sick for I think 2.5 weeks and I'm just tired of it. Current Mood: aggravated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 15th, 2007
10:53 am	I had a nice time at Robyn's wedding today, 2 days in a row I've been able to socialize without freaking out too much so I'm rather proud of myself. But really, huge congratulations to her, she looked great and the whole thing seemed very fitting for her and jameson. On the other side of today the cowboy's lost, my house is a mess, and it seemed every time I opened my mouth around an attractive woman I immediately made a huge ass of myself, or was just plain creepy. Current Mood: discontent (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 6th, 2007
10:59 am	yeah, I know, I'm lame According to lj it's been 9 weeks since I posted, so yes I know I've been slacking off.  Bad Isaac bad.  Living back at home is kind of strange, I haven't spent so much time completely alone in ages, and it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Though it very well could be that I'm just so distracted by my god awful allergies that I'm not noticing. By awful allergies I mean I've woken up the past few days to my eyes being completely crusted shut with gunk, my nose alternating between completely stuffed and running like a faucet.  And that doesn't bring up the ridiculous levels of irritated puffiness surrounding my eyes, really, it's just gross. This is all my own doing though, I had a great and cushy thing going on with Brandy, but just like with every woman I get involved with I screwed it up in exactly the same ways. All I had to do was be honest with her, and I couldn't do it.  According to the therapist I used to see the hardest parts to fix of a mood disorder are all the behavioral patterns we acquire  to help ourselves cope. Here's to hoping I actually manage to keep this thing going, assuming of course I find regular internet access. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 28th, 2007
11:25 am	General ventring and women talk As I write this from Brandy's laptop I sit and mull over the state of my life and realize that I am still such a fucking mess.  The only consolation is how much better I am now then I was a year ago. but I'm still so far away from where I want to be but I suppose it's all a patch or some bs.  I don't know, I guess I'm happy to not be where I was but meh, I'm still so far away I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I also am realizing that while I'm almost certainly not ready for a serious committed relationship, I do want one.  Not only do I want a serious relationship, but I know exactly what I want in one.  I want a relationship basically exactly like what I have going on with Brandy, we hang out a lot, watch movies and TV series (not live, but on DVD and stolen from the internet).  Play wow, cuddle, eat, frequently sleep together and have really great sex.  But, we don't spend every waking moment with each other, and there's no pressure to do so.  There's only one problem.  I'm not in love with her.  There's no reason I'm not, she's smart, funny, nice(though she hates being called nice), cute (once again something she hates being called), good with animals and a whole bunch of other things.  But no, I don't fall in love.  Instead I still get hung up on Cecilia who I still can't get out of my mind, but at least I know that it'd be a horrible idea to contact, and either because of medications or finally learning my lesson I am smart enough not to call. I hate so much that I can't get Cecilia out of my mind, I know how bad we were for each other, never in my life have I known someone that capable of upsetting me, or someone that I could piss off so fast so often.  Maybe thats why I can't get over her, we were so passionate, I think I heard it said once that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I don't hate her though, she was vindictive, short tempered, controlling and violent with me, but I think much of that came from not knowing how to deal with the horrible shitty things I did to her throughout my relationship with her.  I keep thinking that maybe...just maybe...if I had been healthier mentally when I met her things would of gone differently. I know I love her, and that she loved me when last we spoke.  Despite everything I did to her, and all the ways I sabotaged us she still wanted to be with me last time I talked to her.  Actually I think part of the reason I don't try to contact her is I'm afraid to find out that she's moved on and is getting married to some guy while I'm still stuck on her. Fuck me. In happier news, tonight's Aaron's birthday party which I'm totally looking forward to.  I haven't a clue what to get him, thats the downside to being totally fucking broke, hard to buy presents for people.  Actually there are a whole bunch of downsides, but I'll go with that one for now.  Meh, I think I'm going to go play some world of warcraft and try to cheer myself up with doing the one thing that I feel like I'm any good at anymore. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 26th, 2007
9:56 pm	Lame night I haven't posted in about a week, I'm still no good at this whole journal thing it would seem.  For one thing, I hardly know anyone on livejournal anymore so I'm feeling slightly even more unmotivated then normal. Also this has been a less then great week, starting with my allergy attack last thursday that left me sneezing so hard and so often I went through an entire box of tissues, and that was after I decided trying to deal with the dripping was a lost cause and just decided to wear a crappy shirt it could drip onto.  Possibly one of the most gross things I've ever done. The following day my allergies were finally over, but I'd sneezed so much I could hardly move because my torso and neck were so sore from the constant sneezing of the night before.  If I ever have an allergy attack like that again it will be too soon.     I'm trying to remember what else I've done, but nothing much has come to mind, had a short starwars game sunday at Dan's that was was fun, but I'm wanting to get back to the other game he's running. Right now...I'm mostly just feeling kinda bored and lonely.  Being a week night everyone has work in the morning, and being single means no one to have a standing date type thing going on with.  The person closest to playing such a role with me is out on a date herself right now, so I get to wish her good luck, but be somewhat jealous at the same time. I really am tired of this sleeping around, friends with benefits type thing.  As much as I may not be in a place to handle it, I find myself really really wanting to do the highly cliche boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I miss being in love.  I don't miss the violence, fighting and anger I had last time I was in love though so thoughts of calling skinny hispanic doctors are right out the window.  What I really need to do is get out and meet people more.  Mind you, my biggest problem in life right now is getting out, meeting people, and accomplishing things on my own so that feels like something of a pipe dream. The really good thing about this week is I finally acquired the new Reel Big Fish albums, and they continue to be just as awesome as I remember them being.  It was kind of nice to rock out to new stuff by them, brought back memories of high school and hanging around with everyone after school at Erik's house.  A time which I was once again single and always on the make, usually unsuccessfully. I just got a call from Jake saying that I need to come drink and listen to 80's music, so I think I'll go do that and see if I can drag myself out of this funk a little, and try to post more tomorrow, maybe even put up pictures and acquire custom icons. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 19th, 2007
9:49 pm	allergies Currently my allergies are so wretchedly awful that I feel like the entire contents of my head is dripping out of the front of my face.  Except when it's being expelled forcibly enough that the inside of my nose hurts from the impact of the particles being expelled. Nerf allergies. and warlocks (Comment on this)
2:49 pm	horray for livejournal...may the drama commence On the recommendations of friends, doctors, orange cats and the voice in my head I'm actually going to start using this thing.  Traditionally I haven't been particularly scribe like, in fact on more then one occasion I've stated "I hate writing" but much of that has had to do with me being a perfectionist, never knowing what to write, or having to do it as homework for school which could probably sap the joy out of sex.  I also tend to write long long sentences, which even when properly punctuated are long enough to be an english teacher's nightmare. Less of a nightmare then other things, like the use of "wut" or having to listen to yet another poem by that girl who thinks she's super artistic and deep but is in fact as trite as they come. I feel that as my first time posting I should do something spectacular or noteworthy to really start things off with a bang, but am really unsure exactly what that would be, so I am instead just doing that stream of conciousness thing.  Sort of, around keeping up with IM's, trying to motivate myself to shower travel and aquire food, and reading the world of warcraft forums.  ADHD no, not me, despite what the doctors say, or these little gray pills they make me take or...orange cat! In any case, hello to you my friends, and let the dramajournal commence. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 7th, 2004
7:24 pm	looky! an update, not really because I have anything to say, but an update anyways. I'm really not a journal person, just never appealed to me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 21st, 2004
2:33 pm	mmm if you say so You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the postmodernists, you collect avant-garde Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal articles for breakfast. You positively live for theory. It really doesn't matter what kind, as long as the words are big and the paragraph breaks few and far between. What kind of (Comment on this)
2:21 pm	testing Yesterday I got up super early to test for Tucson Police department, since somewhere along the line I went crazy and decided I want to be in law enforcement. Anyways, passed the written test, but then was told that I could never ever work for them due to my background... bastards (4 Comments |Comment on this)